What Are You Tolerating?

What are you tolerating in your life? This is a question I contemplate whenever I feel unhappy or a lack of joy in my life. This is a picture of me tolerating a ride in a gondola. I prefer my feet to be firmly planted on the ground when climbing a mountain! This moment was tolerable and resulted in time with family and a spectacular meal and view at the top. But other times what we are tolerating becomes simply intolerable, I’ve known my fair share of these. I’m willing to bet each of us have re-examined our life over the last year and asked the same question, "What am I tolerating?". There is no more room for just tolerating in our life, what we were tolerating has become intolerable. All the distractions we used to cover up the things we were tolerating have been stripped away and we are made to sit in our truth like never before.

15 years ago I can say I was tolerating every aspect of my life. I was clinically depressed, lifeless. Wondering why I was here and what was the point if this was all there was. I tolerated it until it became completely intolerable, there was no turning back once I decided it was intolerable. It required change.

I tolerated a religion I knew was a corrupt system, that groomed people to stay in victim roles to keep their followers. I tolerated it to keep from rocking the boat, hurting loved ones feelings. To keep from losing friendships and family relationships. I tolerated a marriage that preferred me to be sick rather than whole, victim instead of sovereign. I tolerated this for the same reasons I tolerated religion. I tolerated toxic relationships with friends and family because that’s what nice girls do.I tolerated a job because it was all I was worthy of. I tolerated, tolerated, tolerated until one day I couldn’t take it anymore. I was done, I was going to find life again. There was no turning that desire off.

You might think this meant creating change in my physical environment but it didn’t. It started with working on me, on the inside. I started to change the way I felt on the inside by changing my belief systems. It felt like a clearing of the decks, back to the beginning. I unraveled and untangled. I was able to recreate my belief systems, change my thoughts. I was able to choose what I believed, what my truths were, no one else’s. I found “space” around the hard feelings and was able to choose reactions that were different. I didn’t do this all on my own. I needed professional help and medication to get started, to get myself back on my feet out of the deepest depression. But once I was up, it was up to me to do the inner work. To make the hard choices to change my beliefs and choose a different way of life.

My whole life changed. So much so it almost feels like that was someone else’s story. My whole life changed and I didn’t lift a finger to make changes to the outside. I didn’t have to disfellowship myself from the religion, I just lived my life more and more in alignment with my own truth and the religion just faded into the background. I didn’t have to ask for a divorce, I just lived my life more and more in alignment with my own truths and my marriage ended itself. No drama, no resentment, no grudges. I didn’t need to ask friends or family to leave, I just lived my life more and more in alignment with my own truth and relationships fell away and new ones blossomed. So many amazing people showed up in my life to help guide me and make sense of this new world I was experiencing. I didn’t have to think twice about my career move. I just followed my heart and built a business out of what I loved, Real Estate.

It’s all inner work, our outside is a reflection of what is gaining on inside, the conversations we are having with ourselves, our thoughts and beliefs. Now more than ever anything we are tolerating is no longer tolerable. If you want real change you need to change your inner world before you change the physical. Reaching for change in the physical only distracts us from the real solution. Without the inner work you will find yourself back in repeating patterns and situations. People and places may be different, but you will again be tolerating your life. Once you have changed the inside the outside will rise to meet you and everything and everyone who is not meant for you will fall away. This story is about a particularly large period of change for me. Sometimes the changes are not this big. Even though I made this big amount of change I still find myself growing and changing my truths. I still need to examine my life for areas I am tolerating. I use these areas as a teacher now, what is going on inside of me that needs my love and attention? I love to pull the tread in my mind and see the unraveling outside mirror the unraveling on the outside.